It's been a while, so - crazy story time!

HEY GUY!

Okay, it's been too long, and I've had subjects come, and subjects go. But let me throw you with some updates, if you give two shits and a half.

First of all, the crazy story:

Okay, so my longtime friend and roommate, Boris Pelekh, had a stint with the Naked Brothers backing band, and they (including the kids) came up with a phrase: Gimme that dick. I know, fucking hilarious. So me and Boris got really wasted at a friend's house, and while we were outside for ciggs (note: I do not smoke) we started doing a beat box/rap thing where I would variate on that phrase: gimme that dick dick dick, gimme that dick that i like, uh huh, gimme that goddamn dick, gimme that dick right there, gimme that dick right now, whatta I gotta do to get a bit of that dick, etcetera. YouTube of this will be up soon.

Another night, our friend who had been away for the last two months or so came back. So last friday night, him, Boris and his brother Leo were hanging out at Leo's place, which is in front of Tompkin Square Park.

I head down over there round midnight, and as I'm walking down the block to make the turn onto 11th Ave, I hear a huge party, louder than any of the bars, and I'm thinking, wow, I hope Boris and the guys know about this party. They're blasting Don't Stop Believin' and singing at the top of their lungs.

So I get to Leo's pad, text Boris to open the door downstairs because it gets stuck sometimes, and as I'm walking up, I realize the huge party is upstairs at Leo's. I walk in, and it's Boris, Leo, and our just arrived friend and his two crazy brothers. That's it. Louder than hell, drunk and dancing together, some of them with their cocks out. Pure genius.

Anyway, there's no more liquor in the house as soon as I get there, so we head to a bar called Odessa's. But before we do that, Boris and I unveil the gimme that dick routine. One of them says, "I haven't been around that long, but that's going to be the most genius thing I ever hear in my life." He immediatley picks it up and starts variating with me.

So me and him are out in the street with the guys screaming "You, come over here, gimme that dick dick dick dick dick." Etcetera. People in the street are totally into it. So when we make it to Odessa, we start the spiel, and continue to do it to every dude that walks in the bar. Thankfully it was a light night. Some people ignored us, others thought we were hilarious. We definitely cleared the place out a little bit either way.

So later on in the night, these two girls we know show up, and I immediately run to them and pull the gimme that dick bit better than I've ever done, and they are completely speechless. Better than that, some black hobo told us, "I knew white folks were crazy, but I never heard of this shit." He was cool.

Anyway, late late into the night, this group of Indian and Asian folks come in and sit at a table in the front; totally Americanized, and there's one white dude. New to BK, by the look. So I say to one of the crazy brothers, dude, we're taking them out. He and I head over there, and as he begins a hey-how-are-ya, I start spitting the bit. They laugh, but the white dude was being a dick. "Oh, did you come up with that yourself? Didn't get that from anywhere? Oh, that's cool. Proud of yourself?" I said "yeah dude, cheers!" and clinked his beer. The other crazy brother watched this and said, "Yo, that dude was totally being a dick to you." I knew, but I didn't want to start shit. But the crazy brothers did.

So one pulls out his balls while the other distracts them, then, as the draw steps away, the other runs in and I come in from behind screaming "gimme that goddam dick right now!" Etcetera.

Everyone laughed. But, white dude did not like that.

So he says "Oh you like dick, huh? S'at it?" I said, "yeah dude, gimme that dick right there," totally deadpan. We laugh and walk balk to the bar, letting the white dude stew.

Dude comes up to me and my friend 5 minutes later with a plastic fork and tells him to pull his balls out. We don't think he's serious so we laugh it off, but he is. I tried to pull the fork out of his hands, but no dice. I threw a middle finger in the dudes face and told him to fuck off, which just makes him madder, and my friend gets in his face. The bartender freaks out and tells them to take it outside. So white dude stepped back to the front door, keeps challenging my friend, but he keeps his cool and makes the whole bar laugh every time this guy threatens us by making fun of him.

Then, dude grabs a beer off the bar and throws it at my friend, and it explodes all over us. We hold back, but the dude went outside with one of the asian friends of his. While they're cooling out, my friends and I go apologize to the group for taking it too far, but they didn't have a problem with it at all, and kept saying they didn't know what'd gotten into their friend. It was just a joke. Then again, balls were nearly right in his face. In front of a few babes. Whose night would that not spoil?

So eventually we think he's left cause we don't seem him outside, they go for smokes, and I stay in since I still have beer and I want to make sure the bartender doesn't try to call the cops again. She doesn't, so I go outside.

The dude was there the whole time and pulled out a box cutter on my friend, and we all laughed! Then, a friend of ours in defense pulled out a knife, too! But his friend stepped in again and told him to go the fuck home, that the bartender called the cops, and they leave. Boris was high as shit and outside the whole time all of this went down, so he was completely confused. It was dangerous and hilarious at the same time.